Ladies, here's your Saturday Night Special

Ladies choice, Levi Johnston

Be warned, he does kiss & tell...

Public service announcement don't get used to it!

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address. If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would get. When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please include the following:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington , D.C. 20307-5001

h/t AJ

And make sure you don't tell anyone where you got this information! A reputation is a terrible thing to waste...

Pop term of the day: spit take

spit take

A visual gimmick used in film and on stage where a person is surprised or taken aback by another's actions or words while drinking, and spits or sputters that liquid.

"He did a spit take when she told him she was pregnant."


Urban Dictionary

Today's Toon

Townhall

Rambling On

~ Sarah Palin agitates men because she’s smart and women because she’s pretty… Envy is very unbecoming.

~ I'm sick of people trying to sell me her book.

~ Oprah’s going off the air…two words: good riddance

~ Oprah even sheds tears of remorse, just thinking about ending her show IN TWO YEARS! If I were doing that show for 23 years, I would be crying tears of joy, all the way to the bank. ...what a ham! Is that racist?

~ It has been recently brought to my attention that Carrie Prejean might be a "media whore", so I looked it up. Low and behold, her picture was right there in the illustrations. I also searched her photo and also found it referenced as an illustration for the term "cunt".

~ Beauty pageants are brutal. Women can be vicious. I'm sure one will abuse me over that observation.

~ Hey America, how's that hope and change working for ya?

~ Shifting gears ~ Why would God reveal His will in my life, my purpose, if He knew I was not willing to surrender and act on it? Answer: He wouldn’t…

Unnecessary humor

I'm not sure who this woman is, but apparently she knows you...

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women."

"I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1,000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Pop term of the day: expiration chug

expiration chug
when someone drinks milk very quickly on the day of the expiration date

dumbsss a: what happened to that gallon of milk in the refrigerator?

dumbsss b: Oh, I gave it an expiration chug, so it wouldn't go bad.

dumbsss a: Good thinking!


Urban Dictionary

Pisser of the month!

Terrorist killer, killer of 14 at Fort Hood, is on 0bama's Security Task Force?

Don't take my word for it, scroll to page 29 and see for yourself! Via George Washington University

Now I understand why you asked Americans not to jump to any conclusions Mr. President. I feel so much safer knowing you're in charge...

h/t Madman Mango

I have either been asleeep all week, or the Main Stream Media has ignored this!

.

Today's Toon

Townhall

Mothers are highly protective

They don't care
how big you are
or who your daddy is...

Hypocritical Humor

Future ACLU litigator

Help institute Sharia law while you're at it..


h/t Silicone Alligator

Go to bed with the devilbe prepared to wake up in hell!

AP photo

Did daddy not tell you little girl, that if you profess and promote your Christian beliefs to the world, your secrets, sins and motives will be revealed...

But my question is, "Why would you get right back into bed with the devil?"

'Perhaps there’s an open slot on the next edition of The Celebrity Apprentice? The New York Post reports that former Miss California USA Carrie Prejean recently called pageant owner Donald Trump for advice on what to do since her sex tape surfaced.

Apparently, Trump said Prejean has no credibility or reputation left. "Maybe," Mr. Trump said only half-jokingly, "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes." ' Daily Beast

Of Interest

Bianka Balti

How do you tell your kids about a sex tape? Ask Pamela Anderson

Couple handcuffed and arrested for refusing to pay gratuity after terrible service… ~ I wonder if the staff is SEIU?

New scientific study finds men temporarily lose brain function around pretty women ~ am I supposed to be surprised?

Okay ladies, here’s 10 ways to tell he’s lying to you

Here’s the most wanted Christmas gifts this year… ~ sure, put me in for 1 of each Santa

30 of the funniest ”oops” photos in the pipe

Thought of the day

"Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over."

~ Unknown

Unnecessary humor

When O.J. Dies

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said ... (This is priceless)




"OK, Monica, you're free to go."


h/t AJ

Painful, funny or sick? You make the call!

Pop term of the day: darth breather

darth breather
Adj. a person who breathes so loud, and sounds like Darth Vader while breathing, especially in quiet places.

Michael: Man! I couldn't complete my exam yesterday.

Jeffrey: Why? Was it that hard?

Michael: No, but there was a darth breather behind me.


Urban Dictionary

Political Psychopomps

According to Recovery.gov, 440 fictional congressional districts received $6.4 Billion in Stimulus funds. ~ Anyone in business who signed off on this information would go to jail for fraud!

After his failed policies tripled the national debt, President 0bama warns that US debt may cause a “double-dip recession”. ~ We haven’t even started a recovery yet and we’re gonna sink twice? Thanks for the heads up, I’m glad you agree with 95% of economists; now get off you’re a$$ and stop spending!

Despite the Nov. 3 defeat of the $7 million technology bond by voters in the Bridgeport school district, the school board intends to move forward with the goal of providing more computers for students. “It will just be slower implementation ... It will come out of existing revenues." ~ Voters say no, board says yes…blessed be the name of the board…

WASHINGTON -- 'More than $98 billion in taxpayer dollars spent by government agencies was wasted, much of it on questionable claims for tax credits and Medicare benefits, representing an increase of $26 billion from the previous year.'

The Dean of Harvard Medical School thinks 0bamacare blows ~ but what the hell does he know?

This does it for me!

What a rush!

Denney Crane boring & redundant

It was brought to my attention that I already posted the exact same photo of Ms McKellar last Friday. I chose the wrong file, please forgive me. It is my sincere hope you will accept this tastefully hawt photo of Alessandra Ambrosio as an act of contrition for such a grievous error.

Alessandra Ambrosio & victim

Feel free to express your displeasure

Of Interest

Danica McKellar

Now this could actually be helpful! How to date a beautiful pain in the ass

In a highly populated area, there are numerous ways to communicate with your neighbor, some are ingenious!

They may have found a Viagra-like medication for women… I wonder if it’s just a headache remedy

This is a fascinating interactive graph of how people spend their time during the day.

Are girls just not good soccer players or do they just have a hearing impairment?

Thought of the day

"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are. "

~ Norman Vincent Peale

.

A page from the revised Women's Dictionary

h/t Madman Mango

The billion dollar question...

Who do you think will get
the broadcasting rights?

Shouldn't be too hard to figure out.

Are all politicians full of crap?

Gold is an understatement!



h/t Philip

Pop term of the day: Palintologist

Palintologist
A person that follows/studies political dinosaurs.

Dude 1: You'll remember Dan Quayle once said "I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

Dude 2: Remember Dan Quayle quotes? Dude what do I look like a Palintologist?


Urban Dictionary

Remember those death panels that don't exist?

Here they are folks, one of the death panels you’ve been warned about: U.S. Preventive Services Task Force

According to the NY Times , the USPSTF says

'Most women should start regular breast cancer screening at age 50, not 40, according to new guidelines released Monday by an influential group that provides guidance to doctors, insurance companies and policy makers.

…women age 50 to 74 should have mammograms less frequently — every two years, rather than every year. And it said doctors should stop teaching women to examine their breasts on a regular basis.

Just seven years ago, the same group... ...with different members, recommended that women have mammograms every one to two years starting at age 40. It found too little evidence to take a stand on breast self-examinations.'

I wonder who appointed the new members of the current panel, don't you?

Remember the saying, "Better safe than sorry"? In government run healthcare, that only applies when you pay cash!

I thought the new healthcare slogan would be "Live with the pain", but after reading this article, I think Karl Marx describes it best: "Capital is reckless of the health or length of life of the laborer, unless under compulsion from society."

Maybe Karl was right, maybe "Democracy is the road to socialism.". It seems most ignorant ass Americans can't see what's going on right in front of their face. Those that do either don't care or just bitch about it.

As the eternal optimist, I try to find an upside to bad situations; this is no exception.

At least it will be less expensive (fewer divorces) for the next generation of men to aquire trophy wives. Denney Crane

.

Thought of the day

It's not as important to choose the fights you can win
as it is to fight the battles worth winning.
.

First item on the Denney Crane Christmas list

I'm curious if this is
considered a concealed weapon...





h/t Philip

How the leaders of the world greet each other

America needs a leader, not an amateur

Attorney Dennis Guthrie Opens Can of Whoop Ass on Nancy Pelosi

This is email of the day. BTW, I emailed Mr. Guthrie to see if the letter was accurate and he said it was... I did, however, forget to thank him for his letter, his patriotism and his service to our country. Thanks Dennis!




I'm not as eloquent when I call her a SFC... :D

Political potheads

If you think legalizing pot isn’t on the government’s agenda, look at the projected tax revenue and widespread usage of the drug. Texans smoke a lot of dope.

Okay, you work for the EPA and disagree with the climate change tax, so you make a video expressing your position and your boss says it's okay to post it on Youtube. The Whitehouse finds out and their lawyers threaten you with disciplinary action... that's what I call hope and change! Don't worry, they will threaten you next!

Mike Huckabee says, If KSM gets off, the Democratic Party is finished ! If that were true, I would send a check to his defense fund!

Make no mistake, both Republicans & Democrats want government run health care

NAACP, AFLCIO & the National Council of La Raza “will make clear that they believe the president’s $787 billion stimulus program has not gone far enough to fight unemployment.” NY Times

Joe Biden asks this question about Republicans… “we know what they’re against, but what are they for? Here’s your answer, but I it’s obvious liberals aren't interested in answers

Hey America, how are those ”gun free zones” working for ya?

“…you can’t be a right-wing party and govern the country.” Newt Gingrich. Now let me get this straight, a left wing party is currently governing the country and very unpopularly I might add. Just one question Newt? How’s that moderate party platform working for you and your RINO buddies? DICK

Pop term of the day: Bike-Curious

Bike-Curious

A man interested in buying a Harley motorcycle.

Jim dreams of buying a Harley someday; Jim is bike-curious.


Urban Dictionary

Of Interest

Alesha Dixon
Plastic chemicals cause feminism in boys? Does this make it unnatural?

Now this is something so cool, very few people have even seen the photos of its occurrence: crockodile vs hippos = no contest

86 year old owner of NFL’s Tennessee Titans fined $250,000 for shooting his opponents the finger. ...so much for freedom of expression.

You women really think we should give up our manly habits because you think they’re bad?

I love it when showoffs get pwned

Just a few absurdly exclusive products that prove to the world you’re a rich pr*ck

Thought of the day

The more I chose to seek the beauty of God's work in other people, the more certain of His presence I will become.

Pop term of the day Weiner Cousins

Weiner Cousins

When two men have had sex with the same woman/women, they become weiner cousins. This is a bond that can never be broken.

We're weiner cousins now, that means we're closer than brothers.


Urban Dictionary

Life around a deer feeder

...is not always fun and games!

You don't have to be a victim

Courage + Training = Survival

Yes, I have a problem with that! Muslim terrorists need one day delivery to Allah

Bringing alleged, non-American terrorists onto United States soil for a civilian trial has to be the most contemptible acts of the 0bama administration to date. Do you not realize just how unsafe this makes American people? Is his priority to create crisis to institute more government control?

Fact # 1 ~ The phrase “American criminal justice system” is a complete oxymoron. This is the same system that let O. J. Simpson off for murder.

Fact # 2 ~ Radical Muslims will now make the Judges, prosecutors and jurists the target of their attacts. Although this might be justice in itself for some Judges and prosecutors, it will ultimately affect their decisions.

Fact # 3 ~ While in prison, the perpetrators will use their influence to convert the Muslim prison population to join their Jihadist efforts. They have plentiful resources of money, political influence and terrorist actions to offer, which could be enticing to a lifer.

Fact # 4 ~ Some of the people who visit them in prison will include their radical associates. Don’t believe for one minute that these heroes of Allah will not become future leaders of American Jihadists. If the Arian brotherhood can do it, these guys will give them lessons in the art of infiltration and chaos!

Fact # 5 ~ They are not American citizens! They are war criminals and should be tried by a military tribunal, just as President 0bama suggested during his campaign. They should not have the same rights as American citizens. He needs to treat them like some of his precious European cultures or Muslim cultures, as war criminals.

These are just a few reasons that come to mind, but there are numerous more that are just as sound. I invite you to add to this list if you feel so inclined.

Awaiting re-eduction camp,

Denney Crane

Now this is funny

WARNING! Graphic & obscene language!

Sound required...

Of Interest

Adriana Lima

Very possibly one of the best ”revenge pranks” in history

Rihanna refuses a $10,000 bottle of champagne from NY Jets receiver Braylon Edwards

I enjoy good sushi and fresh sashimi, but the latest creation for the sushi samurai is gonna be very hard for me to swallow!

The world of secret code in the everyday world that we aren’t supposed to know

Secret societies aren’t so secret any longer, but they do exist and their activities are still pure speculation

Thought of the day

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

You can't handle the truth: Both Political Parties Want Government Run Health Care!

The New York Times has uncovered a most distressing truth. Both Democrats AND Republicans are speaking out for health care reform, using the exact same words! If this isn't proof positive that both parties want government run health care, I don't know what is...

The only difference, as far as I can tell, is that one party is taking the high road in its implementation of the politically profitable and corrupt program. It's all about the money, not party affiliation.

WASHINGTON - 'Statements by more than a dozen lawmakers were ghostwritten, in whole or in part, by Washington lobbyists working for Genentech, one of the world’s largest biotechnology companies.

E-mail messages obtained by The New York Times show that the lobbyists drafted one statement for Democrats and another for Republicans.

The lobbyists, employed by Genentech and by two Washington law firms, were remarkably successful in getting the statements printed in the Congressional Record under the names of different members of Congress.

Genentech, a subsidiary of the Swiss drug giant Roche, estimates that 42 House members picked up some of its talking points — 22 Republicans and 20 Democrats, an unusual bipartisan coup for lobbyists.'

Keep blaming those evil American corporations for their greed and corruption, not our public servants. It's all the corporations' fault that they have influence over regulators through bribery.

Pop term of the day: gaydar detector

gaydar detector

A kind of "sixth sense" that allows a flamboyantly homosexual man, or masculine homosexual woman, to play up their macho/feminine side upon entering a "gay-unfriendly" area.

Les's gaydar detector was going crazy when she drove to Laramie.

Urban Dictionary

I really find humor in the fact that not only have we developed gaydar, but now we have detection available to counter its performance...

Twas the Month before Christmas

Twas the month before Christmas

When all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying

Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police had taken away

The reason for Christmas - no one
could say.

The children were told by their schools
not to sing

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels
and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers
would say

December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash,
checks and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod

Something was changing, something quite
odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees
upside down

At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no
where to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears

You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't
touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton,
Wolf Blitzen

On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such
a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away
our faith

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged
and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before
it started.

So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your
'Dream Tree'

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,

not Happy Holiday!


h/t AJ

When You thought I Wasn't Looking

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking'