These brightened my day!

Now this is talent!

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Miss Sally Edwards is a highly esteemed third grade teacher at a nearby North Texas Elementary School. In an effort to prepare her students for the all-important TAKS test, she compiled an exam consisting of 20 questions, which she administered to her class last Tuesday. The exam purposely covered a broad array of topics.

I call your attention to question # 11, which simply read:

LIST, IN ANY ORDER, THE FOUR SEASONS:

1.________ 2.________ 3.________ 4.________

Now, could you possibly imagine that 67% of the students gave the following answer?

1. Dove season
2. Deer season
3. Quail season
4. Turkey season

God Bless rural Texas kids!

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I don't like cats... unless they're psycho!



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The proper way to serve chicken wings.

All over the world, Christmas is magical!

Before the ball drops in Times Square, the Big Apple turns on its holiday charm with the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.



The Capitol Christmas tree in Washington, D.C., is decorated with 3,000 ornaments that are the handiwork of U.S. schoolchildren. Encircling evergreens in the 'Pathway of Peace' represent the 50 U.S. states.



The world's largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopes of Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy's Umbria region. Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire, the 'tree' is a modern marvel for an ancient city.



A Christmas tree befitting Tokyo's nighttime neon display is projected onto the exterior of the Grand Prince Hotel Akasaka.



Illuminating the Gothic facades of Prague's Old Town Square, and casting its glow over the manger display of the famous Christmas market, is a grand tree cut in the Sumava mountains in the southern Czech Republic.



Venice 's Murano Island renowned throughout the world for its quality glasswork is home to the tallest glass tree in the world. Sculpted by master glass blower Simone
Cenedese, the artistic Christmas tree is a modern reflection of the holiday season.



Moscow celebrates Christmas according to the Russian Orthodox calendar on Jan. 7. For weeks beforehand, the city is alive with festivities in anticipation of Father Frost's arrival on his magical troika with the Snow Maiden. He and his helper deliver gifts under the New Year tree, or yolka, which is traditionally a fir.



The largest Christmas tree in Europe (more than 230 feet tall) can be found in the Prado Comio in Lisbon, Portugal. Thousands of lights adorn the tree, adding to the special enchantment of the city during the holiday season.



'Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree': Even in its humblest attire, aglow beside a tiny chapel in Germany's Karwendel mountains, a Christmas tree is a wondrous sight.



Ooh la la Galeries Lafayette! In Paris, even the Christmas trees are chic. With its monumental, baroque dome, plus 10 stories of lights and high fashion, it's no surprise this show-stopping department store draws more visitors than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower .



In addition to the Vatican's heavenly evergreen, St. Peter's Square
in Rome hosts a larger-than-life nativity scene in front of the obelisk.



The Christmas tree that greets revelers at the Puerta del Sol is dressed for a party. Madrid's two-week celebration makes millionaires along with merrymakers. On Dec. 22, a lucky citizen will win El Gordo (the fat one), the world's biggest lottery.



A token of gratitude for Britain's aid during World War II, the Christmas tree in London's Trafalgar Square has been the annual gift of the people of Norway since 1947.



Drink a glass of gluhwein from the holiday market at the Romer Frankfurt's city hall since 1405 and enjoy a taste of Christmas past.



Against a backdrop of tall, shadowy firs, a rainbow trio of Christmas trees lights up the night (location unknown).

Some church bulletin messages

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

What the second Amendment is all about!

How sad this Texas girl had the incroachment on her second amendment rights so graphicaly illustrated. I see the honorable senator from New York was getting a little uncomfortable in his chair. The gun banners are absolutely speechless as this little Texas gal chews them up and spits them out. She knows what the 2nd amendment is really all about. Watch it. You will be glad you did. Here's a video that I guarantee you won't forget anytime soon!! She didn't cry, although she came close to losing it, and she gave those a reality check they dearly needed...

On the lighter side...

On my trip I was seated in an aisle seat and next to me was an attractive woman. Well, after we took off she sneezed and immediately excused herself and let her out to go to the restroom. After 15 minutes, she returned and thanked me when she sat back down.

Less than 2 minutes, she sneezed again and wanted out. I just figured she was high maintenance so I politely oblidged her and got up. I let her back in her seat as she smiled, blushed a little and apologized.

I'll be damned if she didn't immediately sneeze after she got back in her seat and need out again. It was obvious I was somewhat pissed this time, so I assertively asked her what was the problem.

She then proceeded to tell me that she had an orgasm every time she sneezed. Somewhat taken aback, I pretended to be concerned and asked her if she was taking anything for it.

She smiled and replied, "Pepper". We swapped seats...


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Then, when we finally go to the hotel, I asked the the clerk at checkin, 'Is the porn channel in my room disabled.'

'No' she said, 'it's regular porn, you sick bastard.'

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After returning home, my 2 buddies and I went back to work and at break we discussed the trip.

One of them said, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

My other bud replied, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light' or 'hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

Not one to be left out, I declared, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time and I wake up each morning with a sore schlong and a buttfull of quarters."

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What a trip...

Reading these may make your head explode!

Absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have read this month!

Here’s what happens when you compromise with terrorists… anywhere in the world.

Liberal activists already upset with Obama. That’s what happens when you pick a Christian minister to say a prayer…

Positive proof that different cultures are willing to sacrifice anything or anyone to further their cause.

Pirates, terrorists and tyrants have much in common. They are enemies of all humanity!

Why not blame the GOP for destroying the UAW.

Some of this is confusing...

Some countries, in an effort to campaign for democracy, will make some spectacular gestures.

Proper etiquette for the holidays? Like we’re all rednecks!

Proper etiquette for the holidays? Like we’re all rednecks! Okay, I do have the latest Emily Post book.

U.S. soldiers will need search warrants in Iraq MSNBC

Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays? Fox News poll.

Talk about song and dance...

By Michael Ramirez

Why Illinois Democrats postponed impeachment… they want him to pick a Democrat before he's kicked out! Bloomberg

Black leaders in Illinois want a black senator to replace Obama! If one’s not selected, will the Democratic party be considered racist? Appointment by race! Chicago Sun Times

Will this be happening more often as layoffs increase?

I didn’t know it is not politically correct to call a terrorist, a terrorist…