Rambling on...

• I tivoed SNL and watched it last night. Al Gore made a guest appearance plugging his book. The cast gave him a plug as well, a butt plug! Oooowheeee, waz up wit dat, waz up wit dat?
  

• Dave Matthews is a great musical performer. He did however, do one of the best impressions of Ozzy Osbourne I have ever seen. I laughed so hard I almost busted a gut...
  

• After many months of contemplation, I have finally come to a conclusion as to why erectile dysfunction medication is so popular. It's far less expensive and trouble than having another woman; but don't quote me on that!
  

• I just watched an ad on channel 8 about "the hidden secrets of sex addiction clinics on the next Oprah". I thought everyone already knew the local nymphomaniacs and man-whores? Do they try and keep their recovery secret?
  

• $300 million to buy a Louisiana Senator's vote on 0bamacare. When did it become acceptable behavior to bribe a U.S. Senator in public? With taxpayer funds I might add...
  

• Please forgive my politically incorrect use of the term taxpayer funds. I'm supposed to say federal funds. They must be federal since the money comes from China.
  

• Only entertainers would ostracize an associate for being a suspected child molester until he died. Then they give him awards and talk about how close they were to him. I guess that's why they call it show business, huh...
  

• Why does Dallas have such a sh!tty offense with such high priced talent? Go ahead, vent
  

• When the President campaigned on the redistribution of wealth, I assumed it was from the rich to the poor, not from America to Europe and Asia.
  

• I posted some pretty uncharacteristic info this weekend. I'm beginning to think I may be bipolar. It could also be my mad cow is kicking in again.

Dis of the Month! Quite possibly the year

This is bad, real bad!

Guess who just celebrated 90 days of sobriety...

h/t Conservative News
dis  [dis] Show IPA verb, dissed, dis⋅sing, noun Slang.

–verb (used with object)
1. to show disrespect for; affront.
2. to disparage; belittle.

–noun
3. insult or disparagement; criticism.

Yea, I was amused, please pray for me. I am grateful that I wasn't the sick sob that thought it up...

I Went To A Party, Mom

I went to a party, Mom
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die..

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put 'Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you,Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

Unknown


h/t Steph

Pop term of the day: PED XING

PED XING
A wealthy Chinese philanthropist who paid large sums of money in order to have his name plastered everywhere, so that people would remember who he was.

"Look there's another Ped Xing sign"

"Oh that Ped Xing, how we'll remember him"

Urban Dictionary

Harold Estes, 95 y/o WWII Vet seems to have a valid point

November 20, 2009

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.

I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man. So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.
I can't figure out what country you are the president of. You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like: "We're no longer a Christian nation" "America is arrogant" -

(Your wife even announced to the world, "America is mean-spirited." Please tell her to try preaching that nonsense to 23 generations of our war dead buried all over the globe who died for no other reason than to free a whole lot of strangers from tyranny and hopelessness.)

I'd say shame on the both of you but I don't think you like America nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean?

Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British?

Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War?

I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers,husbands,and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man. Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue. You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president. You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now. And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle.

Sincerely,
Harold B. Estes
McAlpin , FL

As written on the website of Senator Bill Nelson(D-FL) and notable POS


h/t GJ

Catholic Church breaks communion with Congressman Kennedy

Catholic Church steps up to the plate and bans Rep. Patrick Kennedy from communion. Claims he’s not a ”good practicing Catholic”.



I'm glad the Church has stood its ground, but it is of little comfort knowing I’m not the only hypocritical Christian in America…

I asked God

I asked God to take away my pain. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings. Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me. God said, Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

Ladies, here's your Saturday Night Special

Ladies choice, Levi Johnston

Be warned, he does kiss & tell...

Public service announcement don't get used to it!

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address. If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would get. When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please include the following:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington , D.C. 20307-5001

h/t AJ

And make sure you don't tell anyone where you got this information! A reputation is a terrible thing to waste...

Pop term of the day: spit take

spit take

A visual gimmick used in film and on stage where a person is surprised or taken aback by another's actions or words while drinking, and spits or sputters that liquid.

"He did a spit take when she told him she was pregnant."


Urban Dictionary

Today's Toon

Townhall

Rambling On

~ Sarah Palin agitates men because she’s smart and women because she’s pretty… Envy is very unbecoming.

~ I'm sick of people trying to sell me her book.

~ Oprah’s going off the air…two words: good riddance

~ Oprah even sheds tears of remorse, just thinking about ending her show IN TWO YEARS! If I were doing that show for 23 years, I would be crying tears of joy, all the way to the bank. ...what a ham! Is that racist?

~ It has been recently brought to my attention that Carrie Prejean might be a "media whore", so I looked it up. Low and behold, her picture was right there in the illustrations. I also searched her photo and also found it referenced as an illustration for the term "cunt".

~ Beauty pageants are brutal. Women can be vicious. I'm sure one will abuse me over that observation.

~ Hey America, how's that hope and change working for ya?

~ Shifting gears ~ Why would God reveal His will in my life, my purpose, if He knew I was not willing to surrender and act on it? Answer: He wouldn’t…

Unnecessary humor

I'm not sure who this woman is, but apparently she knows you...

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women."

"I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1,000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the Head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Pop term of the day: expiration chug

expiration chug
when someone drinks milk very quickly on the day of the expiration date

dumbsss a: what happened to that gallon of milk in the refrigerator?

dumbsss b: Oh, I gave it an expiration chug, so it wouldn't go bad.

dumbsss a: Good thinking!


Urban Dictionary

Pisser of the month!

Terrorist killer, killer of 14 at Fort Hood, is on 0bama's Security Task Force?

Don't take my word for it, scroll to page 29 and see for yourself! Via George Washington University

Now I understand why you asked Americans not to jump to any conclusions Mr. President. I feel so much safer knowing you're in charge...

h/t Madman Mango

I have either been asleeep all week, or the Main Stream Media has ignored this!

.

Today's Toon

Townhall

Mothers are highly protective

They don't care
how big you are
or who your daddy is...

Hypocritical Humor